It's Christmas Eve, and I can't wait for the holidays to be over with. They just aren't the same without your beautiful face here to share it with. It still doesn't seem real and it's never going to be fair. I was robbed of my world and that was you. We had so much planned for our future and I sit here wondering how i'm going to accomplish that without you. How'd we get here beef? I thought we were so happy. All the videos I see and the pictures you were so happy and full of life. I miss your presence. You made me want to be a better person and now I'm angry.

My Christmas wish is to be able to see you again. I'd love to be in your arms for as long as I can. I know that what I'm asking is impossible, but hey a girl and dream can't she. I recorded your voice onto my ipod the other day and Now I can't stop listening to it. Your voice calms me. I also got our video camera working and i can't tell you how many times I watched our first christmas together. I wish that I can sleep through tomorrow and miss everything.

I'm alone beef, people are slowly separating themselves from me, but I guess that shows true feelings. Everything I needed in this world is gone so I guess It's all up to me to figure out new goals. I'm still very much in love with you and Can't wait to be in your arms once more.

:'(

Baby... I miss you and wish that you were still here by my side. I was looking at pictures of you tonight and it made me miss you even more. I'm a totally different person without you. Apparently i'm more angry and emotional. I'm mad at you most of the time and the rest i'm just mad at my self. I'm mad that I don't get to spend time with you anymore. I'm mad that we missed out on all of our hopes and dreams. Most of all, I'm mad that I wont get to share my life with you and experience things with you. You're my everything, my life revolved around you. So being without you, where does that leave my life. I'm stuck in this awful rut that I don't know how to get out of. How'd you get me out of it? You seemed to be the only person who could calm me down in an instant. The one person who loved me no matter what. The only person who didn't judge me when I made a mistake. I thank heavenly father everyday for blessing me with you. I'm the luckiest girl alive because I'm your wife, well now your widow. You were and still are my pride and joy. I'm so proud of the life you lived. You were the smartest person I know. You loved learning new topics and researching to find more information. You made me a better person just by your presence. I LOVE YOU and can't wait to see you again. Beef, please be with me and watch over me. These next few weeks are going to be super hard. I believe that you being with me will make them better. Love you again and may gad be with you 'til we meet again.