HAPPY 2nd ANNIVERSARY!!!

Happy Anniversary Beef!! I can't believe it's been 2 years since we started our little family. I know it was just us and that we weren't blessed with little ones, but you're still and always will be my family. This morning I woke up early and drove to where it all started, the Salt Lake Temple, and sat in the Celestial room. I love the peace and comforting feeling I receive when I sit in that room and shut my eyes. I replayed our time we spent 2 years ago in that very same room. All the little things about that day.... such as the couch we sat on as we waited to be sealed, losing the back of my earring in the celestial room, and being so nervous about being sealed. Most of all I remember you being next to me and calming my nerves. Everything about that day I'll cherish until I see you again. I miss not being able to celebrate with you and getting to spend another 50 + years on this earth with you. I know that we're together forever, but this short wait is breaking my heart. You're my strength in this messed up world and without your physical presence I feel weak. I've loved you since I first saw you when i was 14 and you were getting ready to leave on your mission. We were destined to be together it sucks that it took us 8 years to find each other again, but these past two years have been the best years of my life and it's all thanks to you. You made me a better person because of the type of man you are. I'll never find another man like you beef, you truly were the greatest and everyone could learn something from you. May you continue to shine down upon me, protect and guide me to where I need to be, so we can be together again. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

I miss you...

Hey babe.... Today was my last day visiting a counselor about what has happened. She says that I'm doing very well and that she doesn't think she'll need to see me again. I talked to her about the funeral and the emotions I'm going through, which she told me all of the emotions are very natural. She told me something important that I need to remember. She described the healing process as a mansion with a ton of rooms. Everyday I'm going to open a door to a new room and I need to embrace whatever is in that room. Another good thing I picked up was that I'll be ready to stop grieving whenever I'm ready and not a minute sooner. The grieving process is something that shouldn't be rushed and I feel like some people are trying to rush me back to normal life. It just feels as if some people just can't let you rest in peace. She also agreed with me that my life will not be the same because of what happened. I'm needing to take a good look at who I am, what I want to do long term and then proceed from there.  I've learned to deal with the outcome and know that I can't change anything that has happened. I know that you're in a better place and that you feel no pain. It comforts me to know those things because you're in a better place then I am. Even though you're physically not here next to me, I feel your presence from time to time. I've got a picture in my room from Chelsea. It's the most beautiful picture of us that I have. The photographer wasn't taking pictures and Chelsea took the perfect opportunity to take one. We look so happy babe... I know that you love me and that you loved me here on earth. I love you with all my heart and no one can take that away from us. I miss holding your hand while I drive, I miss hearing your heartbeat, and most of all I miss hearing your beautiful voice saying that everything was going to be alright. You were the best husband a girl could ask for. I love you Baby.

I miss you soo much right now it hurts. Most people are telling me to move on with my life, but how do I move on when the most important part of that life is no longer with me. I can't just go back to that life, I've got to create a new path for me to travel upon. I'm scared baby, scared that I might make a wrong choice or scared that you might be disappointed in me. Brian, I don't want to make a new path on this journey I'm on without you walking beside me. Thank you for teaching me how i should be treated and what true love is like. You've spoiled me so much that I don't think I'll ever find someone else like you. Please guide me to the path i need to take in order to be with you for time and all eternity. May god bless us both and may he also be with us til we meet again. I LOVE YA BEEF.