Rough Day today...

Hey baby... Today was a rough day. I went through all the emotions today and I have to apologize, but today was the first day I remember being mad at you for all that has happened. I hate that you left me here on this earth alone. I hate that I have to wait to tell you I love you again, but most of all I hate being mad at you. I know it wasn't your fault. I just second guess or blame my self for everything that happened. I wish that I could've been a better wife to you. I absolutely miss taking care of you and loving you for no reason at all. I've been sick for the past week and I miss you being here to take care of me and making sure that I was taking care of myself. I feel helpless... so helpless without you. When you were here I knew what i wanted in life, but without you I don't any of that anymore because you aren't here to share it with. I told my parents and brandi last sunday that I don't care to meet anyone else or have a family with anyone else because it'll never be with YOU. I know that you told me that you wanted me to re marry if anything ever happened, but I'm not sure I could ever handle a situation like that. He'd have to live up to everything you were and I'm not sure anyone ever will live up to how you treated me. Baby... I'm scared. I feel you less and less everyday and I HATE THIS. It isn't fair.... I didn't have you long enough.

I was blessed enough to receive my patriarchal blessing last sunday and I wanna share this one thing with you. It brought me great comfort when I was told that the angels of heaven have been attending me in my hours of need. When i heard that, I broke down in tears because I finally knew that you were with me this whole time. I hope that you continue to be with me and watch over me. I love you with all my heart and I hope you felt the same way. I really could use your love right now. So anyway that you can send some vibes from the other side would be great. Oh... We went to your favorite fish farm today... Brandi and I were talking about it and I started crying... at Weinerschnitzel. We talked about the first time we went there together. We had just gone and picked out your wedding ring at Morgan Jewelers in Layton. We all decided to go "fishing" so we headed to Ogden. I remember when we got there, i caught a fish, but wouldn't touch it. So you came to my rescue :). You took the hook out of it's mouth and put it in the bucket for me. You were always there when I needed you beef. Always by my side through thick and thin. I hope that, even though I can't see you, you'll continue to be by my side. I'll always love you and I can't wait to be with you again. Goodnight my love and may I see you in my dreams.